brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
