apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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