"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i now understand why vodka
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
