i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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