this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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