Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
