If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize