we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
