He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
