did you get engaged???
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
