listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
