so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
