Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
