I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
