You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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