Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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