So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
