I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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