I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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