and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
