why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
