i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize