I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
