who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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