please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
