Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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