and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
