that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
