Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize