Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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