I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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