I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
