I'm going to jail i love you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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