Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Say something about gay babies.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
