i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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