i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
