I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
that is very illegal...i love you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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