we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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