I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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