We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
