there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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