he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We left an ass print on the piano.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
