College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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