i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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