i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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