I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
