I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
