I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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