you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
