I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
