i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize