i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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