nut hugger
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
