Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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