I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
