Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
