what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
