Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize