remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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