...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
