If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
