I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
