Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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