he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
