First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
