It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
