yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
