Who did Billy Mays play for?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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