rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
