can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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