You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
